Etiquette and Customs of Singapore

There is an authentic ‘past and present’ beauty with colonial houses against the backdrop of new skyscrapers. The streets were manicured and clean. People were relaxed and polite. I loved exploring…

Before I started traveling, to be honest with you, I didn’t hear good things about Singapore. Many times, throughout my years as a news watcher, Singapore would be featured alongside its extremely strict rules, which would make me shudder. I really didn’t have it on my list of places to visit.

Eventually, I did travel to Singapore, and I must say, I was absolutely delighted. There was an authentic ‘past and present’ beauty with colonial houses against the backdrop of new skyscrapers. The streets were manicured and clean. People were relaxed and polite. I loved exploring Little India and Chinatown. You could not miss sitting down at the Raffles Hotel to enjoy a Singapore Sling whilst cracking peanut shells, by tradition, throwing them down on the floor!

The Interesting History of Singapore

Singapore is a large port city and island that serves the Indian Ocean, South China Sea and the Malacca Straits. Records highlight that it was occupied by the Sumatran Empire, then taken over by the Southern Indian Kingdom, then the Javanese and Chinese and originally called Temasek Island. Later on, the name changed to Singapura (“Lion City”). Being a large connecting port, those from the East India Company used it as a base, later falling into the hands of the greater British Empire. So, you can see that Singapore has been marked by many cultures and until today it displays that in its architecture and cosmopolitan vibe.

‘Fine City’ 

What was I talking about when I mentioned “extremely strict rules”? Singapore is known for its penalty enforcement, issuing fines for its citizens and tourists, and keeping a strict stance on keeping the small island nation clean and socially cohesive. In the past, the Singapore government has had campaigns bringing to people’s attention, in 1968 ‘Keep Singapore Clean and in 1970’s ‘Operation Snip Snip’ highlighting men sporting long hair to be attended last and be removed from their jobs. In 2003, with the ‘OK Campaign’ of not squatting on toilets and flushing the toilet after use. Funnily enough, not flushing the toilet still is a thing! 

How about today? 

• Items such as chewing gum, E-cigarettes or vapes, pornography, and of course, drugs strictly cannot be brought into Singapore (the death penalty still exists). 
• What about your conduct and what etiquette to use when you are in public? Smoking is restricted to certain areas in the city and outer suburbs and banned indoors, undercover areas, near parks, hawker centers, public transport and near bus and train stops. And if you are a smoker you will have to make your way to a designated spot and throw the cigarette ends in the bin. 
• You will notice that Singaporean transport is very clean, and that is due to rules of not eating or drinking on public transport is prohibited. 
• You cannot throw rubbish on the ground or spit wherever you want. Those are 2 very bad habits anyway, so refuse the urge, regardless of the consequences or country. 
• Drinking alcohol is restricted as there are times and ‘liquor control zones’ when one can and cannot drink, along with shops which cannot serve people after certain times of day. 
• Displays of affection between couples is seen as inappropriate.

Cultural Cues of Singapore

Singapore is a blend of Chinese, Malay, Indian, Eurasians, and Westerners that occupy the island and is known for being an expatriate hangout. Learning the culture of these ethnic groups will help you navigate Singapore more easily. Be aware that those who are Eurasian may not want to discuss their ethnicity with you, so it’s best not to ask directly. 

Due to many government social campaigns and education in schools, focusing on social cohesiveness, Singaporeans generally are very polite and treat each other with respect. 

Punctuality is seen as a positive gesture and expected if you’re late, call ahead and let the host or those you are meeting know that you will be running late. If you are invited to eat, do be aware of the cultural background of that person and use the etiquette rules that apply.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

www.auersmont.com | +61 466 344 331 | auersmont@gmail.com

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of the Silk Umbrella

“In the case of Ashanti, the umbrella has figured as a trophy, the great sun-shade of King Coffee being all the British have to show for their waste of blood and treasure in equatorial Africa.”

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According to Wikipedia, Kofi Karikari was the 10th King of the Ashanti Empire, and grandnephew of Kwaku Dua I, whose sudden death in April 1867 sparked internal strife about the succession. Kofi Karikari was chosen by an electoral majority, reigning from May of 1867 until his forced abdication in October of 1874.— Public domain image of Golden trophy head belonging to the treasury of Kofi Karikari

THE SILK UMBRELLA

If you are the possessor of a silk umbrella and are desirous of appraising its merits, see what proportion the spread of it when open bears to the diameter when shut. To the extent the relation partakes of the nature of an inverse ratio, to that extent is your umbrella a good one. 

Folding up a silk umbrella is quite an art, the acquisition of which seems wholly impossible to some people. You should gather the tips firmly together in your right hand, elevate your umbrellato an angle of forty-five degrees with the trunk of the body; then, commencing at the bottom, with your left hand gather the folds of the umbrella rapidly together, working all the while toward the top. When you have got as far as the confining band stop, adjust it, and your umbrella is folded. 

A folded silk umbrella which has "bights" in it or measures more than two inches in diameter is a fraud, or else its owner does not possess the knack of folding it up properly. In the case of Ashanti, the umbrella has figured as a trophy, the great sun-shade of King Coffee being all the British have to show for their waste of blood and treasure in equatorial Africa.

The material, hue and poise of an umbrella are so many criteria of respectability. A man may deceive with his hat often, with his gloves seldom, but with his umbrella never. It is an unerring test of character, a passport to gentility, and nobody is quicker to recognize the ring of the true metal in another or to detect the pretensions of the spurious ones than the true gentleman himself.— The Morning Union, 1889

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Fashionable Louis XV Heel

Custom-made shoes with Louis XV-style heels, belonging to Rita de Acosta Lydig (1880-1929), wealthy New York socialite. She commissioned several hundred pairs of this style heels from Pierre Yantorny, a talented shoemaker with an exclusive clientele.

—Photo source, Twitter

Why is it that we always associate the French woman with all that is frivolous in dress, as well as in most other things, while we know that in many ways, the French are the most thrifty and practical of nations? An authoritative statement is made now that high heels are having an unusual running Paris, something unprecedented, for it is said, that the French woman owes her good carriage to the fact that she almost universally wears a low, broad heel, and the French boot maker invariably refers to the small pedestal in the middle of the foot upon which some unfortunates limp, as the “English heel.” It is possible that what we have always known as the “Louis XV,” or “French heel,” is a relic of past days in France, and has since been known only outside of that country? — New York Times, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Global Cigarette Etiquette

The idea is that it is more courteous to allow a comrade the greater length of time. If he is handed the match first he naturally hurries in order to hand it back again. 

A 2nd Debut Article from 2016

There is a fashion even in so small a thing as the lighting of a cigarette. In Cuba it is customary among gentlemen for one to place the cigarette between his lips, light it, take a few puffs and then hand it to his friend. In Spain the same fashion prevails. An Austrian is very punctilious about the etiquette of cigar lighting. He lights his cigarette first and then hands the lighted match to his companion. The idea is that it is more courteous to allow a comrade the greater length of time. If he is handed the match first he naturally hurries in order to hand it back again. 

A Frenchman always hands his companion the match first. An Englishman proffers the cigarette to his friend, lights a match, hands it to him, and then helps himself to another cigarette and match. An American usually hands his friend a lighted match and takes a light from his cigarette afterward. The small boy gets a light wherever he can, generally from some passer-by on the street. The habit of stopping men on the street to ask for a light is looked upon as ill-bred in all countries. In no country is it tolerated to such an extent as in the United States. — The New York Mail and Express, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Advice for Democrats of 1922

Was it only Democrats in San Francisco who needed a book of Etiquette in 1922? It’s hard to believe that all of the other political parties of the day couldn’t use an etiquette book too.

Reading a Book on Etiquette

A QUIET adventure for a good democrat is to go to a library and spend an hour our looking over a book on “Etiquette,” “Social Usage” or “Good Form.” He will be astounded at the tricks men and women teach themselves in the effort to be fashionably correct. 

Page after page he will find is devoted entirely to the unreal and the artificial in human manners. But he will find, also, that a certain proportion of the tricks are dictated by a real courtesy. The spirit behind about two in every five rules is a desire to be kind, to be helpful, to make people feel at ease. The other three are stunts, obvious and awkward passwords into the land of artificiality.

Almost any man you meet during the day, helping an elderly woman across the street or giving her his seat in the car, knows the acts of kindness, but he couldn't even guess or imagine the other things that go solemnly into a book on etiquette. How could he know, for example, that “a butler never wears gloves, nor a flower in his button hole,” or that “in a dignified house, a servant is never spoken to as Jim, Maisie or Katie, but always as James or Margaret or Katherine, and a butler is called by his last name nearly always”? 

How could he know that at weddings “the best man wears precisely what the groom wears, with only one small exception: the groom's boutonniere is slightly different and more elaborate”? If he picked up a book of etiquette he would read: “To sit gracefully one should not perch stiffly on the edge of a straight chair, nor sprawl at length in an easy one. The perfect position is one that is easy but dignified. In other days, no lady of dignity ever crossed her knees, held her hands on her hips, or twisted herself sideways, or even leaned back in her chair! 

Today all these things are done; and the only etiquette left is on the subject of how not to exaggerate them.” It was unforgivable “in other days” for a lady to lean back in her chair; it would be equally unforgivable, according to the book, if she cut her salad lettuce with a knife instead of folding it. A few years ago over in Berkeley one young girl was not invited to become a member of a sorority because she ate the lettuce part of her salad at a test dinner.

A democrat reads a book on etiquette and feels just as snobbish toward the fashionable as the fashionable feel toward the uncouth democrat who doesn't know their tricks. — San Francisco Call, 1922

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dinner Party Etiquette Do’s and Don'ts

What type of dinner party will you be inviting guests to? An alfresco candlelight party on the patio?  A formal dinner party in your dining room? — “Invitations should let guests know a lot more than where and when the party will occur, she said. Johnson usually states the nature of the party (dinner, brunch, etc.) and gives the guests some idea of who else will be there (“You know the Daniels, don’t you? And we’re having a couple who just moved here from Maine”), how much food to expect (appetizers or a full-course dinner), and an idea of what the host and hostess will be wearing.”

A few years ago, Dorothea Johnson, former etiquette writer for the Washington Star and entertainment lecturer for the Foreign Service Institute, received an invitation to “A Party.”

“It said, ‘Regrets only,’ but I phoned the hostess anyway to ask her what kind of party it was,” Johnson recounted at a recent lecture, “and she said, ‘Oh, just a party.’ I asked her, ‘What should I wear?,’ and she said, ‘Oh, anything.’ So I asked, ‘What are you wearing?’

“ ‘Oh, I haven’t given it a thought,’ came the reply.”

Johnson said she got out her I’m-not-sure dress, which is a basic black, “and my husband saw it and got out his I’m-not-sure suit— a three-piece gray.” They arrived at the party only to discover everyone else there dressed more casually “except a liaison from the British Embassy who said, ‘I say, aren’t we overdressed?’ ”

Hostesses should be kinder to their guests, said Johnson, a veteran of countless parties here and in the 20 other posts where her Marine family has been stationed.

More Than When and Where

Invitations should let guests know a lot more than where and when the party will occur, she said. Johnson usually states the nature of the party (dinner, brunch, etc.) and gives the guests some idea of who else will be there (“You know the Daniels, don’t you? And we’re having a couple who just moved here from Maine”), how much food to expect (appetizers or a full-course dinner), and an idea of what the host and hostess will be wearing.

All of this information should be issued by phone, she said. “I lecture to people in the diplomatic corps, and all over the world hostesses are having trouble with invitations. I haven’t sent out an invitation in eight years.”

Reminder in Mail

Instead, she gets a yes or no by phone, and then follows up with a reminder in the mail about a week before the party, giving the same details and including a map for newcomers. She issues the telephone invitation one to two months in advance because “around here, you have to get your bid in early.”

Then she gets out her calendar and breaks down the preparation for the party into several steps, doing as much as possible in the days and weeks before the party occurs.

“I try to do almost nothing the day of the party, so I can be relaxed for my guests,” she said. She said this is the key to a good party. “If you’re relaxed, your guests will be relaxed and will leave your place happy.”

It’s easier to stay relaxed if you start with the kind of party with which you’re most comfortable, she said.

“You don’t need to copy your neighbor or your friend, although I’m not above stealing a good idea here and there.”

Keep Menu Simple

She also emphasized that the food one prepares is not the key to a successful party. “If the food is splendid or elaborate, but you’re a nervous wreck, what do you think your guests will remember?” Simple food that can be prepared in advance and heated up quickly does best, and no more than three courses are necessary (main dish, salad and dessert).

You should also check with your guests before planning the menu, especially if you plan to serve foods that may be taboo to many: pork, seafood, foods cooked or soaked with liquor.

Johnson avoids serving fowl with bones (“I don’t think guests should have to struggle with it”) and anything that requires cutting, if the party is a buffet. “I’ve seen too many accidents happen when people hold their plates on their laps and try to cut,” she said.

Some Washington hostesses she interviewed for her column confessed that they use the same menus every year and that it doesn’t bother them. “They say that people don’t come for the food, anyway.”

Party Pointers

Here are some of Johnson’s party props:

— Pink light bulbs. “These make the women look beautiful and the men look handsome, and hide the dust,” she said.

— Tablecloths. She makes them out of inexpensive cotton or sheets on sale, and protects them from dripping wax by charring her candles before the party (lighting them, blowing them out and pinching off the charred wick). She also wards against spills from hot drinks by filling cups no more than three-quarters full--and serving them in the living room, if possible.

— A last safety precaution is to set the table first with service plates— large glass plates that remain on the table throughout the changes of course. “I was once complimented on my fine Swedish crystal plates until I just couldn’t stand it,” she said, “and had to confess that they’re Pyrex pizza plates I bought for $1.29 each from the PX (post exchange).”

— Menus. Johnson writes out a copy on anything from informal note paper to paper bags (for a picnic) and places them between the place settings.

— Seating. She makes up a chart ahead of time and uses place cards, because she believes that saying, “Oh, just sit anywhere,” means you don’t care. Another Washington hostess uses place cards as a conversation piece. “She makes up clever names for each of her guests,” Johnson explained. “I’m always Emily Post Jr. A retired Naval officer was the Old Man of the Sea, and one fellow — a really shy man — was the Swinger.”

— Guests of honor. Honoring a special friend is a great excuse for a party, Johnson said. Remember that an honored male guest sits on the hostess’s right and an honored female guest to the right of the host. The place of honor in the living room, she said, is the right-hand side of the couch--a place that more than one unfortunate member of the diplomatic corps has unknowingly usurped, she reported.

Soup in Cups

— Hors d’oeuvres. Johnson doesn’t serve these anymore, substituting a soup course that she serves in cups while her guests are still in the living room.

— Buffet. A clever way to bring people to the buffet line is to slip the men names of women they are to escort, she said, or draw seasonal decorations (such as Christmas trees and shamrocks), cut them in patterns down the middle and have the two genders match up the halves. “That way married couples don’t always sit together.”

— Johnson also advises hostesses to try sitting everywhere they expect their guests to sit (including the floor) to see if it’s comfortable — and reliable (“I’ve seen chairs break on guests”) —  and serving beverages from a tray after everyone’s been served their food rather than have people balance a plate, silverware, napkin and glass as they wander about looking for a place to sit.

— Conversation. She advises using Eleanor Roosevelt’s trick with the alphabet: “She’d start with ‘A’ and think, apples— Aren’t the apples lovely this year? If that bombs, she’d go to ‘B,’ books — Has anyone read any good books lately? One night, they say, she got home and told F.D.R. about a terrible evening— she’d gotten all the way to ‘W’!”

— She also helps ensure good conversation by never inviting only people from the same office or occupation and inviting “at least one new couple” to every party.

— Working women. She’s seen some splendid parties done all with carryout food, “and nobody knew but the hostess and me.” By setting the table the night before and coming home early enough to dump the carryout into pots and scoop ice cream into fancy dishes, you can pull off an elegant party--without having to ask your guests to help. — By Deborah Churchman, The Christian Science Monitor, Washington 1985

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A World of Etiquette

 

Etiquette Around the World: 

What’s the Word?

We recognize the French word “etiquette” in English, but other languages have their own ways of naming good manners and polite behavior.

• Here are a few examples:

1. French: étiquette — the source of our English word.

• Spanish: etiqueta — used for etiquette or protocol; buenos modales means good manners.

• Portuguese: etiqueta — boas maneiras is another expression for good manners.

• German: Etikette — Umgangsformen refers to social manners.

• Japanese: 礼儀 (reigi) — manners or courtesy.

• Mandarin Chinese: 礼仪 (lǐyí) — etiquette or ceremonial forms of courtesy.

• Nigeria, Yoruba: ìwà rere — good character, a broader idea that includes considerate conduct. Nigeria has many languages; Yoruba is one example.

• United Arab Emirates, Arabic: آداب (ādāb) — manners or etiquette.

These aren’t simply different spellings of one word. They’re ways of expressing related ideas in different languages.

Whether we say buenos modales or reigi, consideration is something we can practice wherever we go in the world.

Meet our newest contributor, Eileen Copeland. Eileen is the founder of Southern California Etiquette™, a modern etiquette and social refinement platform which explores dining culture, hosting, presentation, and contemporary social behavior. A native Southern Californian, Eileen’s background includes executive and personal assisting, real estate, wellness, modeling, beauty, and luxury client services. Married for over 15 years, Eileen is a mother of two and grandmother of two, whose broad experiences, including living internationally for nearly a decade, helped shape her appreciation for culture, hospitality, and refined living. She shares life with her husband, her mini Goldendoodle, Teddy, and Luna, her sphynx cat, while continuing her etiquette studies under mentor Maura Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. You can reach her at Southern California Etiquette.

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Japan’s Liberating Dining Etiquette Solution

The liberation wrapper is their solution — a paper wrapper that hides a large burger. On it is a picture of a women’s closed, smiling mouth. The video shows side shots of a woman eating behind the wrapper so you can see all the glorious big biting in action. From the front, it just looks like she’s slightly moving her head around. 

A 2nd Debut article from 2020

In 2013 the Liberation Wrapper was a way for Japanese women to chow down and look pretty

Chowing down on a cheeseburger as big as your head is one of life’s greatest pleasures. And getting ketchup on your nose or some meat juice on your chin is a welcome hazard. But according to the Freshness Burger chain in Japan, opening wide for a big bite is anything but attractive. 

The restaurant has come up with something called the liberation wrapper. It’s a way for women in particular to take big bites of a burger and still look ladylike. The idea behind the wrapper is explained in a video. In it, Japanese etiquette and the concept of “ochobo” or small, modest mouth, are explained. 

“In public, a large open mouth is regarded as ugly and rude,” says the video narrator. "... This means they are denied the wild pleasure of taking mouth-size bites of this big tasty burger freely in public.” 

The restaurant explains that women are encouraged to cover their mouths in public when opening them, and that as a result, they never seem to sell their biggest burger.

The liberation wrapper is their solution to the problem. It’s a paper wrapper that hides the burger. On it is a picture of a women’s closed, smiling mouth. The video shows side shots of a woman eating behind the wrapper so you can see all the glorious big biting in action. From the front, it just looks like she’s slightly moving her head around. 

The wrapper is “freeing women from the spell of the “ochobo” mouth” says the video. It also says sales of the classic burger (the big one) to female customers is up 213% from the previous month. 

Burger-eating etiquette for women in Japan is a complete 180 degrees from how it’s seen in the United States. Carl’s Jr. has turned hot girls and big burgers into its main ad campaign. You know the ones where a supermodel eats a burger and gets it all over the place and there isn’t a napkin in sight? — Jean Harris for L.A. Times, 2013

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia